Anger

There was a lot of anger about Brendan being appointed CEO. There has been a lot of anger since he quit. It is in no way my place to tell people when they should and should not be angry. One of the big points made by progressive movements is that everyone has a right to get angry about things which affect them and people who aren't affected shouldn't tell people not to be angry. Doing so is a control tactic and just generally unfair (especially where it intersects with myths and stereotypes - 'the gay agenda', 'the angry black woman', etc.). I agree. It is one reason I said nothing much about the whole affair. Better for me to listen.

Still, after all this has played out (hopefully), I am left feeling a bit angry myself. And a lot disappointed. Previously, I have mostly agreed with the progressive movements (feminism, LGBT rights, anti-racism, and so forth). When I have not agreed, I have often had my mind changed. I have learnt a lot and I have a great respect for many people in these movements. It feels bad to be on the wrong side of that. It seems to me that the subtlety in the discussion was lost - assumptions were made, opinions were fought for, there was not much attempt to establish empathy and tolerance, nor to accurately learn the specifics of the situation.

Back to anger. Though it is important not to tell people when they are allowed to get angry or what that anger should look like, I would like to suggest how that anger should be used. Anger can be constructive - it is one of the most motivating human emotions and has led to great changes over the years. It can also be amazingly destructive with no purpose - from a child's tantrum to pretty much every war ever fought. Sometimes it is good, emotionally, to get angry and break things. But we must try to put some thought into what gets broken. It was in large part anger that brought LGBT (and other civil) rights to where they are today. We need more of that, and less just breaking stuff, even if it makes us feel better.

In the last couple of weeks we've seen a lot of (justified) anger, but the result has not been positive. Things got broken, but nothing has changed for the better. A small, non-profit organisation which fights for freedom and privacy on the internet against corporate interests and overbearing governments has been damaged in many ways. All to harm a man who made a semi-public donation to an admittedly odious cause. I can't think of anyone who's life has got better from this, maybe some CEOs of other companies who probably have private views worse than Brendan's, but weren't as honest about declaring them.

Marriage

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings around the recent Brendan/CEO kerfuffle. Mostly though I think it has been better to listen than to talk, so I haven't blogged about it. I will just say that I am very unhappy with the result of it all. I would also like to voice my thoughts on marriage.

One element of misunderstanding, it seems to me, is about whether marriage is important. For some people, marriage is viewed as a purely religious/cultural construct which should be dictated by their religion/culture. They don't see why it is so important for gay people (or sometimes other minority groups) to be able to marry. Especially if alternatives such as civil unions exist. They have the privilege of not being denied the marriage of their choice.

In contrast, for many people marriage is a large and practical thing since it can affect things such as immigration status, benefits, hospital visitation, etc. (As well as having their relationships treated as second class in the eyes of the wider society, of course). In my view, it is unfortunate that the practical side of things exists. I am lucky enough to live in a country where marriage is (mostly) not important in that way, and I prefer it greatly.

Marriage is a wonderful thing, and I would not deny it to anybody who wants it. In my view, it should not involve either the state or any cultural or religious institution. I find the fact that a couple has to be married by a third party weird. In my ideal world, the people being married would only have to marry themselves to each other, and no-one else would get a say. Marriage should simply be a public declaration of commitment in front of the people who are important to those being married. No-one should have to officiate or register it, and no-one should have to say who can or who can't get married. And certainly, being married should have no effects on your legal or moral life.

To clarify, I don't think marriage should lead to tax breaks or extra respect from any institution. I don't believe adultery should be judged any better or worse because of it, etc.

Once marriage brings material benefit from the state or the legal system, and once marriage is bestowed by an institution rather than being freely chosen, it becomes just another tool for enforcing established power. By allowing powerful groups of people to bestow benefits either social or material on individuals, it becomes open to corruption. It becomes something minorities have to fight for and which exclusive majorities seek to prevent others obtaining. That an expression of love and commitment ends up like this is immensely saddening, and says a lot about human society.

And don't even get me started about the commercial side of things. The whole wedding industry makes me feel sick.